Yes, I woke up angry today.  Why?

  • Because today is the eleven month anniversary since the day my son was killed
  • Because every night, yes every single night, I have at least one nightmare where I relive that horrible day, regardless of my efforts to prevent it
  • Because when I do fall asleep, it’s not for long, because my daughter still can’t sleep through the night
  • Because I pleaded with the doctors, over and over again, as loud as I could, to not give Rowan anesthesia and I was never heard
  • Because I pleaded with the doctors, over and over again, to be careful with Rowan’s life, and they promised they could and they would
  • Because the doctors promised me that Rowan would be safe, over and over again, and that my concerns were not valid
  • Because my son was killed right in front of me, and the people who killed him denied it and walked away without question
  • Because I have to defend my words, often, when I speak the truth
  • Because I didn’t get the chance to say good-bye
  • Because nobody said they were sorry
  • Because every parent who loves their child would be angry if it happened to them

We are angry.  But we are not vengeful.

An angry parent wants the hit-and-run driver who killed their child to be caught and questioned, and to admit they were driving the car.  A vengeful parent wants that driver to spend the rest of her life in jail.

An angry parent whose child was hit by a stray bullet wants the shooter to be questioned, and to admit they pulled the trigger.  A vengeful parent wants to shoot back.

I woke up angry today.  But now, as my daughter wakes up from her slumber, I will do my best to put it away, and concentrate on the happiness that is present around me.  I will try my best, like I do every day.

Please don’t ask me for more.

 

 

Copyright © rowansmile 2014. All Rights Reserved. No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author. (Rowan was killed at Rady Children’s Hospital as a direct result of the carefree and unnecessary use of general anesthesia for a “routine” outpatient diagnostic procedure). It is okay to post a link to this page.