Rowan bike

To the person who stole my bike:  Thank you.

I hope that you gave it to someone you love. And if you didn’t, then I hope it ended up in the hands of someone who loves it.

I hope that she rides it down hills, feeling the warm breeze on her face. I hope that when the wind gets cold, she reassures herself, “We’re almost there, we’re almost there.”

I hope that she honks the horn when she gets to a stoplight, and honks it loudly, laughing, as she catches up with someone she knows.

I hope that she wears a helmet, and pays no attention when it becomes tilted on her head, because she is too focused on whatever love she is carrying with her on that purple bike.

I hope that she smiles, and laughs, on her ride. And feels a sense of peace like no other.

To the person who stole my bike: Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me of who I am. As I’m greeted by those who ponder why I don’t seem more upset, why I am not angry about my missing bike, I am reassured. Reassured that I am not an angry person, or one who is angry as a given consequence of grief.

Was I angry when my bike was stolen? Sure, a little. In the moment when I realized that I could file a police report for my taken bike, but not my taken son. In moments where I saw others focus on the material bike, rather than the sadness of the loss of tangible memories.

But no, I was never really angry at you. I have much bigger, much more important things to be angry about. Thank you for the physical reassurance that the anger I carry is okay.

I just ask that, however you use your new bike: please, use it kindly and know that it has known a lot of joy.

Rowan’s mom

 

 

 

Copyright © rowansmile 2015. All Rights Reserved. No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author. Rowan was killed at Rady Children’s Hospital as a direct result of the carefree and unnecessary use of general anesthesia for a “routine” outpatient diagnostic procedure Without His Parents’ Consent. It is okay to post a link to this page.